Day # 17....The Refusal Approach

Today was a new day and I wanted so desperately to forget about yesterday. We went into the clinic and started our day. I stood there and watched what was yet another bad feeding session. I could almost sense that this was going to happen, so I left the clinic and drove back to the hotel. Thinking of going for a run, but instead took a long shower. Saying to myself, stay strong for this little girl. No matter what today brings there will always be tomorrow.:)

There was a parents meeting today and it was obvious that Pam (family councilor) wanted to know how I was doing and what was I doing to help myself feel better. My respond was...when my daughter feels better, it will make me feel better. I could only think of Reese. Talking about my fears amongst other people who share these same feelings helped me today. After the meeting we headed back to the clinic, where Reese was getting ready for final feeding session. This time the non-refusal approach was incorporated into this session. Reese would be given one dipped(thickened juice) and one dry spoon. Only this time Reese had to accept the bite because the spoon would not be removed from her lips until she did. Although she did have some refusals and after a few seconds she did open, she did open for some bites immediately as well. I thought it may take some time to rebuild her back up. Maybe time is all she needs and this is her way of telling us.....
Thank god for this day to be over and tomorrow starts a new day. Let's hope tomorrow she makes her mommy proud:)

Day #16....Sadness In My Heart

Mondays seem to be the hardest days to get through. Today, I felt sadness all day long. Trying to hold onto the the wonderful weekend and great times we shared together often would help me start a new week. Today was different, my heart felt sad from the moment I stepped out of bed. Maybe it was just facing another week alone. I thought to myself...It will get easier, this is what they tell me. Well, today got harder as the day went on. Reese's first feeding went just OK. Her second feeding slowly showed signs of refusal. By the third and fourth feeding my daughter refused all bites. My heart broke and I thought to myself this is not happening. How could she do so well with accepting and suddenly refuse an entire feeding session. She did not accept one bite out of sixty bites. I wish I knew all the answers and this day I prayed please help me! I feel like I'm loosing this battle!